For your viewing pleasure! Dr. Fuhrman on his new book, The End of Dieting.
For your viewing pleasure! Dr. Fuhrman on his new book, The End of Dieting.
Yesterday was rough. I wanted to eat everything that wasn’t nailed down. I went to Whole Foods after my work day was over, and did some grocery shopping and got dinner. As I was shopping, I was looking for some of my favorite Nutritarian treats—the Health Starts Here “cheesecake” and “gelato”, both made out of fruit and nuts. They haven’t had them in forever. Then I went to get raisins so that I could make some Nutritarian oatmeal raisin “cookies”, and all of the raisins had oil in them. Sigh. I got really pissed off, and an evil little voice was like, “Screw it. This is totally not worth it. You aren’t even losing weight. Just get the vegan cheetos and vegan ice cream. Why bother? Are you going to eat *another* goddamned salad? If you eat vegan donuts and ice cream you could always throw them up. In fact, why are you eating? You should be working out. You are so lazy!” and so forth. I just stood in the aisle, kind of paralyzed. Then I decided to head to the vegan cheetos. Right as I was about to go down the aisle, I ran into one of my coworkers who was at the Immersion with me. Talk about divine intervention. I spoke with her for a while, and we talked about our challenges since we’ve been home. I told her that I was about to go grab junk food and she encouraged me not to give up. She was super supportive and sweet. I went and got a salad, some soup and a chia seed pudding. I felt so grateful that she just magically popped up in my path. I felt very protected by good old Glinzilla at that moment. It reminded me that I am always surrounded by helpers, even when I don’t know they are there.
Later that night, I was in bed listening to my stomach growl. I know Dr F says that this is toxic hunger and not true hunger, but that thought was not reassuring at that very moment. Finally, I got so pissed off that I got up and had Ezekiel toast and almond butter. The almond butter was supposed to be for the Fuhrman Black Bean brownies I was going to make tonight. Well, not anymore. Clearly it is still not safe for me to have it in my house. It’s reminding me of the question that one of the women asked at the Immersion about bingeing on healthy food. She said that if there was a jar of almond butter in her house, she would just eat it all. Thankfully, this wasn’t a jar, but I wasn’t happy about it. Today is a new day. Learn from it, and move forward. I will make the Happy Herbivore brownies instead that do not have almond butter in them.
There’s been food in my face all week long for Team Member Appreciation week. Today there is an ice cream social going on in our office with like four different kinds of vegan ice cream and cookies. I am telling myself that I can go home, and make myself some black bean brownies for dessert tonight. I do NOT need to eat ice cream in the middle of my work day. Just for today, I can abstain from the mother#@*&^%$ ice cream. I can go to Green Juice Happy Hour with my lovely coworker J and enjoy her company. I can make myself a nice, nourishing, Nutritarian meal that tastes delicious and treat myself to a hot bath and a home pedicure with a salt scrub. I can take care of myself in many ways that have nothing to do with binge eating.
I think it’s funny that sometimes when things are going really well, I want to eat more than ever. Food addiction and addiction in general is cunning, baffling, powerful. It’s not just stress or anger or sadness that sets me off. Sometimes it’s just seeing food. I will go for weeks or months or even years where food does not call to me. And then, seemingly out of nowhere, food calls me: hey bitch, it’s me. Come on over and party.
Sometimes it’s being *happy* or successful. Sometimes it is new things—even really good new things, like a new romance or a new apartment or city or job. Sometimes it’s fear—fear of success, fear of change, fear of failure, fear of everything.
I will leave you all with a reading from Food For Thought that I thought was particularly appropriate:
Abstinence enables us to stop being preoccupied with food. We decide that we will have three meals a day with nothing in between, and we have a definite plan for those meals. Whenever cravings or thoughts of food begin to distract us, we put them out of our mind. We remember that food has proved to be a false friend, and we no longer permit it to control our life.
Through OA, we have found new interests and activities. We have friends to call when we are lonely or upset. When we are feeling shaky, we can go to a meeting. Perhaps our new energies have led to involvement in community activities, new jobs, hobbies and projects.
Each of us faces a certain amount of sluggishness and inertia when we decide to get involved in something new. It is easier to stay in the same old rut, since we often fear what is untried and unknown. Let us not permit apathy or anxiety to weaken our resolution. Escape into food and overeating is no longer an option.
I am STILL sick. Really sick. Had to leave work yesterday early, and then crawled into bed. Worked a few hours from home and now I am about to crawl back into bed again. My immune system is either majorly malfunctioning, or I am majorly detoxing. I had just gotten over a cold the week before the Immersion, and now this is cold #2 in less than a month. Still abstinent, still not drinking coffee, still going strong. Much love to my Ladies of The Nute, and hello to all of my new blog followers! I will be back with less whining soon, I promise. In the meantime, you have John Joseph from the Cro Mags to keep you warm.
Dr. Fuhrman told us about this TEDx talk at the Immersion, so I thought I would share it with my blog readers. Enjoy!
One of the things I realized at the Immersion was that my sleep problems frequently drive my desires to binge. And that my coffee intake feeds my inability to sleep, and then I am laying in bed feeling hungry, wanting to eat. And when I used to drink, my sleeping problems completely excused the fact that I was drinking myself to sleep every night. I think I spent the first two years of my sobriety just not sleeping, ever. And AA coffee didn’t help!
Today is day nine with no coffee, whoo hoo!!! Just herbal teas. I made myself some green tea, and I was scared to drink it. I am still having problems falling asleep. I know it’s going to get better, but I just have to push through. Lately I have been envisioning my Higher Power speaking to me in Samuel L Jackson’s voice and telling me, “Go the fuck to sleep!”
I think that I have a cold. I thought it was allergies, but it’s not. Maybe it’s detox? Who fucking knows? In any case, I have literally blown through a box of kleenex today and I can barely breathe. I’m having soup and salad and a piece of toast right now, and I can’t taste any of it! I was just going to do smoothies today, but I am really having the urge to just CHEW something even though I can’t taste much.
I watched Supercharge Me on Youtube last night—a short little movie about a woman who decides to go raw for 30 days. I had done 100% raw for an entire summer in Florida once. Not sure why I stopped…probably due to alcohol and coffee and binge eating (surprise!). I was feeling really good, and then who knows what happened? I do like the fact that when I am ETL compliant, I am about 75% raw. There’s some interesting things in this film, although I love how everyone sidesteps the B12 supplementation question. Just take some fucking B12 already! And some iron. Geez. Cherries probably aren’t going to cut it. Sometimes the overt fanaticism and compltely unscientific behavior of the raw foodies gets me a little aggravated. Although I”m very woo woo in a lot of ways, I like how Dr. Fuhrman uses science and research to suggest the best ways to eat. Like cooking your mushrooms and tomatoes. And not eating a massive amount of raw spinach because of the oxalates.
OK, back to bed. Calling it a day at work and getting some rest.
Here’s the link to Supercharge Me if you are curious:
Well, I am back from the Immersion and still abstinent and going strong. It was definitely strange to come back, and it went by so quickly! No coffee for 8 days now! I haven’t been doing much exercise, because I have not been feeling good. It’s hard to do yoga when you can’t breathe and you are exhausted. I still have zero energy, I got my period a week early (that explains a lot) and I am either having wretched allergies or I have another cold. I am just going to rest and stay away from the crap vegan SAD stuff. Luckily, I have no appetite for anything right now, period. I’ve been living off of green juices and a fabulous two lentil chili that I made courtesy of Fatfreevegan.com. I might just have a green smoothie and some miso broth and take a handful of benadryl and call it a night. Happy Tuesday, Ladies of the Nute!
This is our last question and answer with Dr Fuhrman. We are doing a round table for the whole group with what issues you have individually and what is your plan for success when you leave the Immersion.
The bean question came up in the Q & A session (Hello N!). And indeed, the answer was to start with the smallest amount possible twice a day, chew it thoroughly and continue doing this until the digestive issues and your gut bacteria have normalized. I was hoping for a different or new answer but alas this was not the case.
Dr Fuhrman told us that he does not like to eat two salads a day. Yes! This made me feel so much better. He said that many times with dinner he will eat raw veggies with a dip or lettuce wraps and some cooked food.
One of my coworkers asked about food addiction and bingeing on healthy food, like almond butter, nuts or beans.This is a direct quote from his answer: ‘For some of you who are food addicts, your decision making in the past has not worked for you. Your decision making is a mixture of your intellect, your addiction, your instinctive food drives and the environment you were raised in. Let me decide what you should eat, let me make the decisions for you–just do this exactly. Don’t think anymore. ‘ He emphasized the importance for food addicts of not eating between meals, eating the three meals a day and only eating nuts, seeds or beans with your meals. Make sure you eat until you are full and satisfied. And don’t try to think your way out of your addiction. Follow the Nutritarian rules, and don’t think about it. He also said it takes most people 4-6 months of total abstinence before they start to feel true hunger. He emphasized total abstinence repeatedly for food addicts. He said moderation is a myth, and that moderation kills more people than anything.
I ate breakfast today with Dr Fuhrman and Randi Carbone, one of the addiction counselors. I brought up how my mother raised us with a lot of healthy food, and we were not allowed to eat sweets or junk food. She policed my food rigorously, and started trying to put me on diets are age 7. Dr Fuhrman said the way to talk to children about their food is first and foremost to involve them in the process and tell them you are making these changes out of love. Ask them what they would do if they were the parent? And we talked about rebellion and defiance and addiction. It was very interesting. I thought about how I could incorporate this idea into my self-talk. Again, it all comes back to love.
I’m happy to report today that I no longer feel like a vegan zombie. The coffee withdrawal is getting better. Still tired, but don’t feel like killing people anymore.
OK, more later! Happy Friday, Ladies of the Nute!