Yesterday was my first 100% ETL compliant day, except for the %$#@%!!! coffee, of which I only had two cups in the morning. Victory! And strangely, it was really easy. It seems that dinner is the testing ground—if I can get my truck to drive to my apartment, and I get into my kitchen and make dinner, it’s going to be an abstinent day. All I have to do today is COOK DINNER.
From my ACIM reading this morning, which is a very appropriate description of my responses to candy, cookies, cake, and ice cream. Oh, and coffee apparently:
“Babies scream in rage if you take away a knife or scissors, although they may well harm themselves if you do not. In this sense you are still a baby. You have no sense of real self-preservation, and are likely to decide that you need precisely what would hurt you most. Yet whether or not you recognize it now, you have agreed to cooperate in the effort to become both harmless and helpful, attributes that go together. Your attitudes toward this are necessarily conflicted, because all attitudes are ego-based. This will not last. Be patient a while and remember that the outcome…is certain…” page 52, A Course In Miracles text, “The Ego and False Autonomy”
I have realized that I can only handle just a little bit at a time of A Course in Miracles before I become completely overwhelmed! I have set this rigorous study schedule for myself, and it is starting to become eminently apparent that this is not working for me. Surprise! It makes me laugh at myself—this is so one of my core “habitual responses” (Buddhist lingo for “character defects” in Steps 6 & 7 of OA/AA). When I was a brand new newcomer in OA, I was like, “I got this!.” I bought every single piece of literature I could get my hands on, and read it all in like two weeks. Hello, overachiever. This is not a PhD program, sister. You don’t get to graduate summa cum anything…it’s a meandering train ride, and sometimes you are in the caboose, sometimes the dining car (um, yeah), and sometimes you are hanging out with the conductor.
And in other exciting news, apparently there is an Austin Hay House event in June. I get Gabrielle Bernstein’s emails (she is an ACIM teacher and spiritual writer) and that’s how I stumbled across this event. Honestly, I would go just to see her and Kris Carr! I noticed that they mentioned a “Becoming a certified angel card reader” seminar– these the angel cards you write about on your blog, R? If so, I think you should come on out to Austin and go to this event with me. I have a brand new sleeper couch with your name on it, chica!
Happy Friday, ladies of the Nute and all of my OA/AA peeps out there in the Webby Web!