I was finally able to tolerate coffee again today and let me tell you: it was like the sky opened up, the angels were singing and unicorns were shitting rainbows. Seriously. Yeah, clearly I am a total coffee addict. And I am not ready to give it up. Period.I really want that magical 100% Dr. Fuhrman compliance, but I have to be willing to come to this thing even 90% at this point. Just not bingeing, purging or drinking is a full-time job at this point.
Maybe when I go on the Immersion I will be able to take a one week rest and detox off of coffee for real. Or maybe not. We shall see. In the meantime, I am not beating myself up about it. When I am ready to make this change in my life, the desire will come from within like a divine nudge. And I’ll be ready to go in the direction of that nudge. Otherwise, I am trying to muscle through on willpower and that inevitably ends in disaster for me. From today’s Food for Thought:
“We have found that putting ourselves down does no good, either to ourselves or to anyone else. If for someone else we do something, which we sincerely believe is wrong for us, then our resentment is bound to come out sooner or later.”
Today’s food plan:
B smoothie, 1 slice Ezekiel toast, almond butter, 1/2 caf with coconut milk
L black bean soup with spinach and an avocado, apple, almond milk latte
D green juice at Whole Foods, big ass salad with HSH dressing. If I am hungry, a baked sweet potato with beans.
Action plan: journal/blog, pray, meditate, literature, sponsee calls, call sponsor, meeting, work on friend’s cross stitch birthday present.
To answer R’s question about my action plan and program actions: I have been doing a very similar routine the whole almost seven years that I am in recovery. Before I leave the house in the morning, I have quiet time as it is suggested in the AA Big Book and 12 & 12. I read program literature, journal, pray and do a little meditation. I used to also include my yoga practice as part of this morning quiet time. It really does not take that much time, but the half an hour or so really makes a big difference in my day. If I also do yoga it is like a magical, rose-colored start to my day! The icing on the recovery cake is Ashtanga flavored, my friends.
And then at night before I go to bed, I do the same thing but instead of literature, I take calls from my sponsees. I also do a 10th step review, looking at my behavior from the day and seeing where I was selfish, dishonest or afraid. Are there any amends that need to be made? If so, I take that trash out as soon as possible! Bookmarking the beginning and the end of my day with program actions makes everything much more…well, fucking tolerable. It makes *me* tolerable! If I don’t take these actions, I am a cranky bitch. In AA parlance, “restless, irritable and discontent.” And no one wants to be around me when I have a case of the RIDs!
And for N’s question on Soups: I do not have a magical answer on this one. I have been relying on the McDougall pre-packaged soups or making really simple blended soups out of a combination of the following ingredients: carrots, potatoes, onions, a green veggie of my choice, herbs and spices, veggie broth and cashew “cream”. Mix it up in the Vitamix and you’ve got “Cream of Blah Blah Blah” soup. I think I am going to make some Cream o’ Cauliflower tonight.